KILLING US WITH KINDNESS
E-Mail by Calbraith MacLeod Bio/Address
When I was at court getting
sentenced, a victim's advocate stood and read a long list of financial, emotional, and
physical damage my victim and everyone who had ever known or wanted to know my victim had
suffered because of my criminal actions.
"Wow!" I thought "I'm a powerful son of a gun; and so
successful! Crime is power!"
I stood and apologized for my crimes. I said I was sorry, but, of
course, I hadn't been. The only thing I'd regretted was that I'd not been able to keep
from acting the part of a criminal and that I'd lost all I'd worked to acquire over the
years.
I'd known my victims had suffered harms, and I'd known how my victims
had felt. I'd wanted them to feel that way. I'd wanted others to feel at least as wretched
and powerless as I'd felt all my life. Causing others to feel powerless had enabled me to
feel in control, at least for a short time. Then, there I sat in court, listening to the
district attorney and the victim's advocate comment on how my acts had affected
innumerable people. It felt wonderful to hear my criminal behavior had made me more
powerful than I'd ever imagined!
Yes, we convicted people are generally an arrogant lot. Lucky for us we
have no shortage of victims and district attorneys and cops and media shows and victim
advocates to support our egos! Even now, correctional programs are being designed to offer
ego boosting programs like victim impact panels--groups of community members who discuss
the negative, emotional, financial and practical effects crime has upon victims. Some
institutions offer programs of "restorative justice": connecting offenders with
victims and enabling them to perceive the impact of their crimes. Of course the impact is
always horrendous, always life wrecking.
Unfortunately these programs, victim advocates, district attorneys,
cops, and victims are killing us with kindness. Not only are they killing us, they are
hurting innocent people by obstructing the rehabilitation of convicts.
For me to become rehabilitated--that is to develop a non-destructive
lifestyle--it was imperative that I become teachable. Because I was ensnared in a criminal
lifestyle with all its attentive criminal thinking, my own conceptions could not help me
stop committing crimes. I'd needed to become open to new ideas, and to become open to new
ideas, I'd needed to exhaust my resources of self-confidence and acquire an unflattering
enough picture of myself to want to change who I was. I'd needed to realize not how
empowering criminal conduct was, but how weak and meaningless it was.
Everywhere, the media and others advance the notion that crime is power. In
reality crime has no power. Every criminal act creates but a wound. A natural healing
effect is always present in worldly affairs. Only the victim(s) can allow the criminal act
to maintain it's controlling force. If someone steals my security, goods, or resources, I
have the option to compensate for my losses, even if that means gaining a little faith in
worldly order, and to move on with my life. It is time for victims to take back control
and stop being victims, and it is time for victim advocates, district attorneys and the
rest to stop creating and perpetuating a victim stance in otherwise able individuals. It
is unfortunate that we have created institutions which coddle victims so much some of them
can not get on with their lives because they've grown accustomed to the warm and fuzzy
state of self-pity and sympathy gathering. Only when our society gets off its "poor
me" kick will it truly help victims to recover and at the same time help criminals
become law abiding citizens.
Of course one must first have the agenda of helping victims and
criminals alike recover. Do victims want to recover? Sometimes politicians and the media
tend to ask our entire society of people to see themselves as victims. It's much easier to
arouse support for a personal, political or corporate agenda when you first help your
would be supporters view themselves as victims. Look how it worked for Hitler. And does
our society truly want to help criminals become successful citizens? Sometimes politicians
and the media lean toward asking our entire society of people to develop a hatred and
hostility toward a single class of people, convicts. Some unfortunate soul's develop a
hatred so deep they don't want these "criminals" to ever recover any sense of
normalcy. And it's legal to hate people convicted of a crime, to disparage them, to use
them as scapegoats for your anger when you feel powerless. Would our society want to give
this scapegoat up?
Just once I'd like to see a crime victim stand up in court and say
"Heck, he didn't amount to anything. Sure he caused some damage but I'll recover.
He's really only managed to hurt himself, to make himself more of a weak and frightened
fool than he already was. I know we need to keep him off the street until he's developed a
new lifestyle, but just look at him! We should all have pity on the wretch."
"What! Have pity on me?" The convicted person would exclaim.
His victim would have given the convicted man a start towards ending his mental
association of criminal acts with power.
And what of the victim. Would not the affirmation of his or her
control, of her or his ability to rise above the actions of the convicted person, allow
him or her to get on with a life free of self-pity and hostility?
I'd like to repay society for the harms I've caused. To do so I intend
to help as many convicted people as I can liberate themselves from the criminal lifestyle.
So I'm asking everyone, please stop feeding the egos of convicted people. The road out of
a destructive lifestyle is tough enough already.
Cal is a machinist by trade and has been a noncompetitive bodybuilder since 1979. A native of Vermont, he has served over seventeen calendar years in prison. He has spent time in five state correctional facilities, two federal penitentiaries, and two Federal Correctional Institution. During his incarceration, he has participated in numerous rehabilitation programs: Vermont Correctional Industries Apprenticeship program, Federal Drug and Alcohol Program, Thresholds, Vanguard, Vermont's Early Sex-offender Program, The Violent Offenders Program, Cognitive Skills, Anger Management, The Productive Living Unit, Emotional Awareness, and Self-esteem Group. While incarcerated at the Federal Penitentiary at Lompoc, California, Calbraith participated in the Chapman University Program and accumulated college course credits until he was returned to the Vermont state prison. He is currently serving a 40-year Vermont state prison term.
Calbraith MacLeod is author of the self-help book -- Practical Reformation (available $10.96 plus $2.00 S&H from Audenreed Press, Box 1305 #103, Brunswick, ME 04011) - and is currently serving a 40 year prison term. He may be contacted at:
Northwest State Correctional Facility
3649 Lower Newton Rd.
Swanton, VT 05488
3/16/00
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