THE UNIVERSE ACCORDING
TO BILLY BUBBLEGUM

Howdy!  Billy has a poem for Valentine’s Day.  I told him it’s over, but his argument went like this:

            “Is not.”
            “Is too.”
            “Is not.”
            “Is too.”
            Ad infinitum, etcetera, ad nauseum
            So, here ‘tis, just in case February comes after March, April, and May this year.  Well, it is leap year, huh?  Billy could be right.

 A TEXAS VALENTINE

Collards is green
My dog’s name is Blue
And I’m so lucky
To have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
A-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue’s
And without all them fleas

You have some’a yore teeth
For which I am proud
I hold my head high
When we’re in a crowd

On special occasions
When you shave under yore arms
Well, I’m in hog heaven
And awed by yore charms

Like a roll of duct tape
Yore there for yore man
To patch up life’s troubles
And fix what ya can

Yore as cute as a junebug
A-buzzing o’er head
You ain’t mean like fireants
When you ruffle their bed.

Yore cut from the best cloth
Like a plaid flannel shirt
You fertilize my life
Like a fresh load of dirt

Yore complexion, it’s perfection
Like the best vinyl sidin’
Despite all a yore years
It covers an’ keeps hidin’

Some men buy chocolate
For Valentine’s Day;
They get it a WalMart
It’s romantic that way

Some men git roses
On that special day
From the cooler at Kroger’s
“That’s impressive,” I say

Some men buy fine diamonds
From a flea market booth
“Cause diamonds is forever”
They explain, suave and couth

But for this man, my honey
These thangs jest won’t do
Cause yore too special
You sweet thang you!

 I got you a gift
Without taste or strong odor
An’ more useful than diamonds…
Here’s yore new trollin’ motor!

3/16/00

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