Cell Door Magazine - They Never Forgave Me by By Rashi'd Qawi' Al-Ami'n

They never forgave me
E-Mail By Rashi'd Qawi' Al-Ami'n Bio/Address

They never forgave me
They never forgave me for my crime
I said I’m sorry to their friends and family

when I got a chance to talk
They still gave me the maximum sentence

under the pre-sentence report –

For my first and only offense
I came to prison, change my behavior,

my Mindset, and focus
But in my five “considerations”

already they’ve said “no” each time
And threw this “serious nature of crime”
In my face
I kept my head up, my eyes dry, and my hands active
But they never forgive me.

In the way they’ve treated me and others,

in the last ten years
(No parole, no more free letter, no hair,

no long visits from friends and family)
The never forgave me for my crime
At the apex of my sentence,

less to go then I’ve already done
I doubt they’ll forgive me
No matter what I do.

I’ve lost the will to still try to do something
Something on my own to atone for my crime.
I used to think about establishing a college scholarship

or grants in the name of the victim.
For anyone who wants to study sociology or psychology
Somebody who wants to help Black people –

Young Black Men!
Stop killing each other behind nonsense
Give the controls of the grant over to the family
Who I hope will forgive him
Who I hope will get a sense of my genuine regret.
Which is nothing to do with

my being caught, convicted or sentence.

I’m losing the natural desire to restore something
For what I, in my youthful ignorance, took away.
Because of the state’s unwillingness

to see the changes and good in me.
Because they want to punish me even more --
On top of my sentence
Because. . . . .
They never forgave me