Hello, my name is Billy and I am an alcoholic in my seventh year of sobriety. My primary objective to writing quarterly is to help others like myself solve their problem with alcoholism, and in becoming involved in and around alcoholism with Alcoholics Anonymous. Today’s drawings is based on Step #4, "made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves," and in order to do this we have to first take a research into our fears which is the greatest unfamiliar emotional sense-we have very little knowledge and control of and its affect tolerance. Fear is said to take many types of forms to the variety of experiences, which we face and find burdensome, inferior and most of all painful. Fear can also be experienced when we feel we haven't the inner strength to meet or carry out challenges. While the common place of fear is viewed as an emotional disorder, or a moral defect, it has energy to our senses, which causes us to act. This reaction often causes us to first avoid the situation, or object rather than to feel tolerant to our emotional senses. Avoidance and tolerance then becomes the problem when we are not acquainted with feeling it, and the more we try to avoid fear, the more it grows. While on the other hand the more we become acquainted to our fears the more we learn how to conquer it. Once this has been mastered the more courage we find to having the strength to meet our challenges. Inhibiting fear is the worst negative emotional feeling we have that stagnates our rational thinking to taking action, or responding to our fear. By learning to humble ourselves in times of humiliation from fearful situations we become more acquainted with our emotional senses and can take that energy to being positive for our intelligent aspirations in building confidence. "If we can feel it, we can heal it." Mark Twain says, "Courage is mastery of fear-not absence of fear." Starhawk exclaims, "Where there is fear, there is power." We all have fears, but once we have conditioned our emotional feelings we can better take action.
Aquinas says that the whole of moral life hinges upon four virtues, courage, temperance, justice and prudence. It is this sort of courage which goes with physical strength with feats of endurance as signified by the root meaning of fortitude, a synonym for courage which is like a reservoir of moral or spiritual strength to sustain action even when flesh and blood can no longer carry on further. Such courage is a virtue in the primary sense of the Latin word virtus, which defines manliness, the spirit or strength of spirit required to being a man, whether in the discharge of duty or in the pursuit of happiness. Courage also confirms a man in the hard choices he has been forced to make. The merit of courage is by virtue to overcome fear. At its worst form of existence, where fear has been tolerant or inhibited it can cause a moral defect and illness called schizophrenia. It is reported that over two million Americans have this mental defect. Paranoia schizophrenia can cause psychotic emotions that inhibit our thinking and brain function and can led to character and behavior patterns of conduct that affect our ability to rationally live the desired life we seek. It can also lead us into long periods of isolation, depression and stress. So in taking our fearless and moral inventory of ourselves as explained in Step #4 of AA, all of these factors come into play and must be considered to complete our study. Myself, I drank to help overcome my fears especially when I were with women. I learned from child history that I suffered sexual abuse by older women, and I also suffered from parental domestic abuse by my mother. All of these types of abuses had taken form and affect on my attitude and character towards women. Today, I try to get to know women in overcoming my fear of them. I have never been able to maintain a stable friendship or relationship with a woman to this very day, but I am seeking prudently in fellowship.
I LEAVE YOU IN PEACE AND JOY FOR THE ENLIGHTENMENT AND FULFILLMENT OF ALL ASPIRATIONS.
Thanks for sharing,
