by Corey John Richardson

It is a fact that prison is not an accommodating place. It is not now, nor has it ever meant to be such, but there is something beyond the constant din of the prison hallways, the loud barking and growling at the weight lifting stations, the cold stares across the yard to assert dominance, the inevitable blood bath of yet another fight, the unappetizing substances served as food on greasy time-worn trays, the unnecessary harassment we endure at the hands of bigoted, uneducated guards, and the inexorable tedium of another boring-ass day: for me, it is those first few minutes when I wake in the morning that hit me the hardest.

The heaviness of sleep clings to me until I feel the slow clearing of the mind. I start to shake off the dreams and begin to realize that I am still in prison. I have been here for years and still have years to go. Why it holds me to my paper-thin mattress in my steel bunk bed after all the years escapes me. I just lay there. I hear the early morning silence in the hallways - a deafening silence. It says you ended up in prison.

It seems too surreal. Prison. I see all the foolish mistakes, the numerous misgivings about Life, the selfishness. Yet the equation never adds up in my mind. Prison. As I leave my bed, it is not courage, but perseverance that sustains me. As I go through the morning ritual, the remainder of the day's grind faces me - work, school, workout, reading, letters, and so on. I shake off those first moments of regret and press ahead. Although I have lost much, I believe that I have gained more. I am becoming the man that I was meant to be; the man that I always wanted to be. We have only one life offered to us and we must make it what of it what we can. No man alive is without error. It is what we do after that which counts the most. And I still have much to do, now, today, as I remain in prison and upon my release. I have done quite a bit of time, and I know that many of my brothers in prison may never get back to the free world again. But there is something for each of us to do - each day, right now.

If I believed all of what they say about me, I would have given up years ago. Yes, some of it is true of the man that got arrested those many years ago. What they cannot see is who is before them today. They may never see it. I am not waiting either - I see myself by the fruits of my labors. I get one shot at today and I am going to make a difference. I shake off the past just as I shake off the morning's slumber. I have learned much from it and it is time to do something with what I have learned. There is a reason I am right here, right now, and I have a purpose. I have this feeling that what I am doing today is building the foundation for everything else that will follow. I won't try to limit my future by attempting to imagine all that Life has in store for me, and you.

Don't buy the hype that you are worthless, that your past crimes will keep you from a future happiness, that this is just "dead time" and that you cannot be working toward a meaningful life ahead, because it is just that - hype. Look around you with new eyes and see that where we are today is offering us something. Now just find out what that something is for you, and drink in every last drop.

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