Hi. My name is Jeremy Sims and I’m thirty-six years old. I’m incarcerated in Folsom State Prison, California. As a background, you can say that my life experience is typical of most people from a dysfunctional family. My Mother was only fifteen when I was born. I was in a foster home for the first five years of my life and my Father committed suicide when I was about five. I don’t remember much of those days and my mother has not told me much.

For as long as I can remember, drugs and alcohol were part of my life. In fact, my Mother would allow me to drink and smoke pot. My home was a party house. At least, that’s how I remember it. I liked that life. Well, what kid wouldn’t? I can remember how much fun I would have, more so on holidays like New Year and Christmas. My friends would come over at night and we would party. I mean party, drink, dance, and everything all night.

My Mother would send mixed messages because at time that sort of thing was all right and at other times that sort of thing was not okay. I don’t blame her for anything. I love her deeply. She did her best with what she felt at the time. I’ve always been a momma’s boy. I only have fond memories of her. She is somewhat sick, but is getting by.

My step Father knew my Mother and biological father. They were friends. My step Father and I didn’t get along all that well. I always thought that he was a party pooper. He too would send mixed messages. At times he wanted to be strict with my brothers and me but at other times he would let me party. That made me angry at him. Our relationship has grown now. We have become close. I love him greatly.

At an early age I dabbled in E.S.P., the occult, and some Satanism. I was very much interested in magic and the like. All that was part of my party lifestyle. I was drinking, smoking pot and doing cocaine and speed at a very early age.

One day, a friend and I decided to go out and rob someone in order to get money for drugs. I ended up shooting someone. I was arrested three days later for murder at the age of seventeen. Like all kids, I thought I was indestructible. My mind was so messed up that I believed I was more powerful than Satan or God. I was God. To this day, I don’t know why I had to shoot someone that day. No money was taken. I was scared. It was as if someone else was in control of my body. It was like a dream. I’m truly remorseful for what I did. I have come to terms with my 29 to life, plus life, plus four year sentences.

When I was first arrested, I attended a church service and thought that I got "saved." For eleven years I did the "Christian" thing. I was a Chaplain’s Clerk, taught Bible studies, etc. At one point, God’s purpose seemed so certain. However, now I’m not so certain.

For as long as I can remember, I have been gay. I prayed to God to remove that from my life, but it never went away. I have come to terms with that. I must accept myself for who I am.

Now I’m reconsidering my belief system. It’s not an easy thing. I don’t know where I will end up. I just hope that I’m doing the right thing.